On a day that Jesus shoved a massive boulder out of the way as he ascended to Heaven, so too could Sunderland move a Plymouth shaped rock aside to ascend to the Championship. If you like more Bible references crowbarred into guides about loser League One football teams, then you should subscribe to our new column ‘Blood of Christ and Megadonkey’.
Only the good Lord could bestow us with a 4,000-mile trip down to the West Country for a mouthwatering (if you’re a loser) clash between two of League One’s funniest accents. And, the best part is that it’s live on Sky, so you know what that means!! Oh yes, 90 minutes of some loser pundit like David Prutton willing the opposition to win.
There’ll be lots of “Steven Schumacher has done an incredible job”, “Sunderland just can’t seem to find a way out of this league” and then lots of statements that we have the biggest budget in the league that aren’t actually true. If you’re really lucky, we might even get a “the timing of Lee Johnson’s sacking was really harsh”.
On the plus side, you could simply block all of this out in a haze of cider and pasties.
How Do I Get There?
There’ll be legends all over Sunderland Twitter posting pictures of getting on a supporters bus at 11pm the day before to go to a game thousands away, lapping up the “fair play” comments from faux “Footy Banter Hooliganism Is Great” accounts. However, if you want to avoid this you could spend a month’s wages on petrol down to Plymouth.
Take the A1(M), M1 and M5 all the way down to Exeter before joining the A38. Follow the signs for Plymouth and exit for the A386 and you’ll see signs for Home Park. There’s a big car park at the ground but if you can’t get in, park somewhere else. I’m sure you’ll work it out.
Sat nav losers: PL2 3DQ.
Plymouth railway station is about a 20-minute walk from the stadium and, to be fair, is quite a nice one. You get to walk through a nice park and feel the springtime air on your face. How lovely.
What’s the Ground Like?
They’ve recently done up Home Park, so instead of looking to your left and seeing a stand with an old school terrace, you’ll see an old school terrace with seats on it. So that’s nice. Sunderland fans are in the Barn Park End behind the goal, don’t really know what else you want me to say.
Right, by the time you get to Plymouth you’ll, naturally, be dead thirsty so I guess I should tell you about some pubs. Well, if you like the best chicken wings this side of the River Avon then go to the Britannia on Wolseley Road and enjoy the hospitality of JD Wetherspoon just ten minutes from the ground.
If you’ve got some time on your hands then why not visit the beautiful Plymouth marina? Stop by the charming The Gipsy Moth on Citadel Road for a delicious light or swing by The Bread and Roses on Ebrington Street and enjoy a fruity craft beer. On the marina itself, The Three Crowns on The Parade, The Queens Arms on Southside Street and The Dolphin Hotel on The Barbican are all good shouts.
What’s This Place Like?
If you want to impress losers on Instagram with how far you’ve travelled for a football match, then come on down to Plymouth!