Shall we have a little handbrake turn this week and talk about the football? It’s really bad isn’t it. In a way, this is what we secretly want. Yes, we project about wanting to be in the Premier League and losing to Watford every week but really, we long for perennial underachievement of League One misery.
I mean, that’s probably why there are some among us that want to cling to the notion that Lee Johnson – of all people – will be the one to ejector seat us out of this hellscape of a division.
We actually like the misery, we like being laughed at by supporters of Wigan Athletic and Rotherham United and we really like being asked “when’s the next season of Sunderland Till I Die coming out?” by inquisitive colleagues who have no idea which division we’re in because that’s what we are now. A punchline. Entertaining content. A loser club.
Anyway, let’s get behind them on Saturday and if we lose it’s okay because, it’s actually good. And, hey, last time we were in Cambridge we won 7-0 so there’s that.
This is why we don’t talk about football here at Cans & Megabus, it angries up the blood.
How Do I Get There?
While not as hilariously as far away is Shrewsbury, it’s still a fair old hike to Cambridge. If you’re driving then take the A1(M) all the way down to Huntingdon before joining the A14 heading towards Cambridge. Exit at junction 34, for the B1047 and follow the signs for the Abbey Stadium. Parking wise you’ll have to find some streets to leave your motor on.
Sat nav losers need to punch in CB5 8LN because apparently my directions aren’t good enough.
Cambridge railway station is a handy two miles from the ground so, if you don’t want to walk for 40 minutes, either get a taxi or take the C3 bus from Cambridge bus station… like a loser.
What’s the Ground Like?
Whenever I see the Abbey Stadium on the Quest highlights, I’m always intrigued as to how far away the pitch is from the away stand. This is a terribly boring thing to tell you but do you really think I have in-depth knowledge about some League One jobbers’ stadium? Nah, mate.
Sunderland fans will be in the excellently named Mead Grab & Plant Stand behind the goal, as well the Habbin Terrace. The latter backs on to Coldham’s Brook which is used for cow grazing, you be sure to step into a big lump of poo before watching the Lads lose 1-0.
As an esteemed columnist, Cans & Megabus makes a lot of connections within the world of REAL SERIOUS JOURNALISM. Oh yes, we’ve greased palms, gotten invites to the hottest parties and kissed and told on some of the biggest names in the business. As such, we’ve got the lowdown on the finest drinking establishments in all of Cambridge from an insider themselves.
“There’s only one pub near the ground and that’s The Wrestlers, which also happens to have lovely Thai food too. But I’m not sure they let away fans in. Sheffield United camped in there a few years back so maybe.
“If you like Spoons. The two-tiered effort from The Regal is a thing of beauty
“You may want to double-check, but I think it was the largest pub in the country at one point. There’s about four or five other pubs on that street. Not been, but told Blue Moon off Newmarket Road is decent if you like craft beer. Used to be the city’s premier punk rock venue.
“Sort of on the way if you’re walking from the station (don’t walk from the station it’s fucking miles away). Tram Depot is quite popular with away fans too. If you want to be a real flash bastard, there’s the Anchor by the river. Always full of tourists and a pint costs roughly the same as a new car but you get to sit by the river, which is quite pleasant.”
And who gave me this information? Absolutely none of your business.
What’s This Place Like?
If you like cutting about with students that will one day be your ruler, then come on down to Cambridge!