Cans And Megabus – Your Essential Guide To AFC Wimbledon (A)

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What’s up Lockdown Larries?! It’s yer boy Cans & Megabus, back to dish out some world class bodyings to all your favourite jobbers that inhabit the scum bucket that is League One.

And, where better to beg… what? Well, I was busy. What do you mean “no, you weren’t, you didn’t do anything over the festive break”? Oh, like you were so desperate to read about a fictional day out in Northampton that a) neither of us have been to and b) neither of us were actually going to. Oh, so I’m a fraud am I? Well, excuse me.

Sometimes Cans & Megabus too, likes to enjoy a little downtime away from the prying eyes of ‘readers’ and ‘Sunderland supporters’, and since Sunderland didn’t play a game in thousands of festive weeks, you’ll forgive me for forgetting we had an away match at Northampton Town. Anyway, who cares, let’s talk about Wimbledon or, as I like to call them, The Original MK Dons.

While it’s all well and good, getting teary-eyed and Dan Walker-ed about the Dons’ rise from non-league to League One, let’s not forget the biggest sin that club ever committed – bottling relocating to Dublin.

Imagine turning down the opportunity to relocate your team to one of the best cities in the world because of “heritage”? How utterly boring, for that Wimbledon, you and your Wombles can get in the bin.

A Womble

How To Recreate the Plough Lane Experience?

It’s quite easy to recreate the Plough Lane experience in the comfort of your own home.

Imagine the one pub you loved going to but was shut some time in the past 25 years. Okay, well now imagine the thrill of being told it’s been re-built and its opening again. Exciting, right? Well, since it’s been reopened during a pandemic, you’re not allowed to go in. Everything’s there – the beer, the crisps, the staff, they’ve even got a big screen but you just can’t go.

And, even better than that, nobody knows when you’ll actually be able to go in. All that time getting excited about it reopening, all for nothing because you have no idea when you’ll finally be able to see it for yourself. It’s quite funny in a way.

Does This Place Have Any Good Brews?

Now that Wimbledon are back in, well, Wimbledon there’s actually some damn fine breweries around Plough Lane where you can wet your beak… by ordering from their website.

Firstly, stock up on a few cans of West End Pils, Hopadelic and Panowow from By The Horns Brewing Company. Secondly, feel a little more refined by ordering a couple of London Porters or Wimbledon Copper Leafs from Wimbledon Brewery. Hey, if you’re really feeling generous, order from both and get royally sauced.

Did You Know?

The ties between Wimbledon and Wombles have been well documented and, while these mole-like creatures may look cute and cuddly in their burrows under Wimbledon Common, there is a much darker side to their existence.

When discussing the Wombles, what the people of Wimbledon often want you to forget is the Womble War of Independence of 1879. Oh yes, there was a time when humans and Wombles did not live in perfect harmony and this bloody conflict lasted over ten years, with millions of casualties on both sides.

After years of fighting, the war had seemingly hit a stalemate until the infamous Battle of Wandle Meadow where the Wombles turned to eating their adversaries. Thousands of soldiers were consumed before eventually surrendering and losing the war.

Victorious leader Emperor Bulgaria Coburg gave a victory speech atop Wimbledon Common and proclaimed that no Womble should ever live in fear again. As part of the war reparations, AFC Wimbledon are decreed by law to have a Womble as a mascot to serve as a timely reminder that the Wombles could once again rise and eat their oppressors.

Tom Walsh