In an WMS exclusive, we’ve managed to acquire the original transcript* of Steve McClaren’s post Derby humiliation open letter and it’s quite incredible. Read on…
Sunday’s derby win delighted us all and every one of us is pleased we could deliver you the victory you deserved. I am certain that if Colo had stayed on the pitch we’d have given you even more corners and possession. But with our successful appeal we move on from that match-defining moment and focus on getting more possession and corners this weekend.
Even if you didn’t see the game on Sunday, you’ll know we bossed it in the first half, because you know, we’ve never fucking shut up about it. We barely gave our hosts a kick. That’s how much possession we had. Loads of it.
With ten men on the pitch we still won the corner count, despite what the score line suggests. We kept attacking the game, because that’s how you win, by attacking matches, not your opponent. Unfortunately that opened gaps up at the back that our opponents exploited.
There’s been no feeling sorry for ourselves, apart from the constant whinging and moaning we’ve done, including this letter. Maybe if I’d spent less time writing letters, we’d have kept the ball for even longer periods. We want to show how passionately we care about this club by serving up another perfect 45 minutes, before losing against Stoke City. Well, if you consider goals important. Rest assured, we’ll be looking to win on the throw in front as well improving our corner count.
Stoke have been on a decent run of late and I certainly didn’t see their home defeat to Watford coming. I know Mark Hughes well and he will see the amount of corners they conceded as a huge disappointment. They’ll be especially keen to put on a show this weekend and make up for that loss. That makes it even more imperative that we’re on our game and able to stand up to anything the likes of Bojan and Shaqiri might throw at us. We’re prepared and ready to blame absolutely anything on anyone else but ourselves should we slip to yet another defeat.
Sadly we won’t have Jack Colback in our line-up this weekend after the results of a further scan on his right knee today. Unfortunately this injury, which was brutally inflicted on him at the Stadium of Light on Sunday (thanks again ref, but I’m not bothered. I’ve drawn a line under it), will see him out for up to six weeks and we all wish Jack the very best in his recovery. We’ll miss his crab like movements and ability to retain and recycle the ball which in turn wins us games on possession alone. Not forgetting his Pirlo like precision from set pieces. Especially corners. I fucking love corners, me.
Be assured that in spite of the events of the past week, we go into this weekend’s game with nothing but bitterness, stupidity and a total determination to enhance your delusions with the corners, possession and shots on target you deserve.
*Clearly a parody, ‘sub edited’ by Craig Clark and Gareth Barker.