So it all comes down to this, ey? A long and mainly infuriating season boils down to beating luxury hair Cole Stockton’s Morecambe to prolong a season that Lee Johnson tried so hard to destroy.
With the full season coming to a close, it’s time for old Cans & Megabus to look back on the past nine months and pick out some things that have mildly perked our interest:
- Lee Johnson crying and essentially pleading for the fans to like him after losing to Sheffield Wednesday.
- Lee Johnson crying that there was too much water on the pitch when we were absolutely smashed at Portsmouth.
- Lee Johnson looking crestfallen after losing 6-0 to midtable powerhouses Bolton Wanderers.
- Alex Neil insinuating in his first game in charge that Lee Johnson had flogged our young players to death.
- A man stood next to me at Doncaster Rovers loudly proclaiming “NOT FOR ME” upon seeing Lee Johnson doing that
- absolute loser fistpump.
- The signing of Jermain Defoe effectively getting Lee Johnson the sack.
- Signing Jermain Defoe basically to sell a few shirts and juice an attendance against Doncaster Rovers… a game which we lost.
- Not signing luxury hair Cole Stockton and signing a 39-year-old loser instead.
- Jermain Defoe realising that he wasn’t actually that good to play in League One so retired and leaving us one fit striking option.
- The club revealing that we’re still majority-owned by Madrox and prominent fanzines just assuming that was fine.
- Lovely Mike Dodds.
- Lovely Mike Dodds getting the blame for a three-game losing spell when he was asked by the board to do a job he’d literally never done before at one of the most crucial parts of the season.
- Lee Johnson getting sacked.
- Charlie Methven going to every away game and people jumping to his defence because THAT’S WHAT HE’S ENTITLED TO DO if he owns 6% of a football club he said he didn’t work for.
- Lee Johnson not managing Sunderland AFC.
- Lovely Alex Neil.
- Whatever happens at Morecambe, whether we do the business and secure that hallowed play-off or lovely Cole Stockton bags a hat-trick to keep his beloved Shrimps in League One, the one good thing to come from the 2021/22 season is that Lee Johnson no longer manages Sunderland AFC.
How Do I Get There?
If you’re driving down then take the A1(M) to Scotch Corner and then head west along the A66 and A685 before joining the M6 towards Lancaster. Exit at junction 34 and take the A683 into Morecambe. The ground is right off Westgate opposite the delightful caravan park (yeh, people come here on their holidays). In terms of parking, there’s loads of streets you can use.
Sat nav losers: LA4 4TB
For you big dawgs on the train, Morecambe railway station is only a 20 or so minute walk from the stadium and about five minutes from the town centre.
What’s the Ground Like?
Originally heralded as the grandiose “Globe Arena”, Morecambe have now settled into their role as tinpot lower league jobbers by renaming their ground as the Mazuma Stadium, in presumably, partnership with Mazuma Mobile. To be fair to the Shrimps, it’s a fairly nice ground with one stand just completely missing.
Sunderland fans are housed in the BeyondRadio Terrace behind the goal and part of the seated Peter McGuigan Stand. So, if you can’t picture it, just think of Burton Albion but by the sea and with less excellent brewery pubs.
The last time handsome Cans & Megabus darkened the doors of the alehouses of Morecambe, it was a windswept evening in November and everywhere was completely empty giving off the air of an eerie ITV drama. However, if you like very cheap beer then this corner of the Fylde Coast is for you.
Immediately outside Morecambe train station is the Station Promenade on Marine Road, which is a nice, big chain pub which does a cracking Stella Artois and bag of Salt and Vinegar McCoy’s. Venture into the town a little more and The Pier Hotel is alright while, maybe for post-match, Accidental Brewery on Bulk Street is great for a lovely craft beer.
There’s also The Chieftain on Pedder Street, The Palatine on The Crescent, the go-to Wetherspoons, The Eric Bertholomew on Euston Road and the “away fans pub” of The Boardwalk on Marine Road for all your drinking needs.
What’s This Place Like?
If you’ve ever wanted to experience what 1972 was like and see murals of comedians you weren’t old enough to remember, then come on down to Morecambe!