Tom Walsh is back with another must-read guide to the next stop on Sunderland’s seemingly endless League One journey – Lincoln City’s Sincil Bank
Why are Lincoln City second in the league? Who allowed this to happen? I couldn’t be more embarrassed to be competing in a league where a football team so in love with the armed forces could be near the top. Come on, look at them. Their nickname is The Imps, what the hell is an Imp? Don’t. Don’t write in, I don’t actually want to know.
This is a sad indictment on us all really, especially Lee Johnson. He’s been in the job eight days but he should know better to allow Lincoln City to be second in the division. I tell you, him and that grey suit jacket has a lot to answer for, and, I’m afraid to say if he doesn’t get a result at Sincil Bank, the board should be seriously considering his position.
Who is on the board nowadays anyway? That lad who had a tantrum in his kitchen because he didn’t want to sell us? No? What about that lad with the massive head and adoration for Margaret Thatcher? He’s not there either? Who would’ve thunk it?
Ah, it’s that young lad from Marseille isn’t it? It’s not? But I thought it was “done”? Ah well, anyway, surely there’s someone we can blame for Lincoln City being second in the division. Ah, I know just the person!
Cans & Megabus.
How To Recreate The Sincil Bank Experience?
Before you can even begin to think about enjoying the full Sincil Bank experience, get in your car and drive to Fort William. There you’ll find Ben Nevis, the largest peak in the UK. I’ve placed a pint of Guinness at the top, so before you watch the match run up Ben Nevis and the malty black stuff will be your reward.
Done it? Congratulations, you’ve completed phase one of your Lincoln away day experience – visiting the Magna Carta pub at the top of Steep Hill. Now, with your calves suitably toned, you can get out your laptop and pop the match on.
Don’t forget to have an air raid siren set up for each time Lincoln City get a corner, and blare it as loud as you can while shouting “RESPECT THE TROOPS”, because that’s what football is really about.
Does This Place Have Any Good Brews?
It’s getting close to Christmas, you can’t go to the pub because you’re in a tiered system which prevents anything, so what else to do than get blind drunk* in the comfort of your own home? Luckily, the good people at Axholme Brewery can help you get sufficiently steaming while watching your beloved Sunderland AFC struggle through yet another third division football match.
Maybe you like your beer covered in windmill paraphernalia? Then you, my friend, are going to absolutely buzz off** 8 Sail Brewery based in Heckington (that’s a funny name). Chug down one of their Fen Slodger bitters or sling 10*** of their 5.5% John Barleycorn English IPAs. Come on! It’s Christmas after all****.
Did You Know?
It is a widely accepted fact that Lincoln provided inspiration to nu-metal pioneers Linkin Park after the late Chester Bennington visited the city while on holiday in 1998, but did you know that this humble corner of the East Midlands was actually responsible for the nu-metal movement?
While Bennington stumbled across the city on his annual visit to nearby Skegness, Lincoln has been a regular pilgrimage for those of a baggy trouser, basketball shirt adorning, turntable enamoured artist since the mid-1990s. In fact, it was actually in Lincoln when the craze of wearing a metal chain on your pants came into fashion.
And, if you listen to Crazy Town’s seminal track ‘Butterfly’, you’ll hear vocalist Seth Binzer pledge allegiance to “the crazy moshers of Steep Hill”.
* Wise Men Say does not endorse getting “blind drunk” and these are only the views of the (idiot) author.
** Wise Men Say does not condone attempting to get some kind of ‘legal high’ off the products produced by 8 Sail Brewery.
*** Wise Men Say would like to distance itself from the author’s suggestion of drinking 10 pints of 5.5% IPA and this, once again, is only the opinion of the (idiot) author. We would strongly advise against drinking 10 pints in one sitting or ever.
**** At the time of publication the (idiot) author was unaware that Christmas was, indeed, still a fortnight away.