Overall Position: 6th (wtf?!)
Played: 3
Won: 2
Drawn: 0
Lost: 1
Points: 6
Hours top of the PL: 2.5 (approx.)
Tifos depicting Granit Xhaka battling the Lambton Worm: 1
Ring out the bells, sound the alarm and set off the confetti canon… for after an absence of 8 years and 87 days, Sunderland were back in the Premier League.
I say ‘Sunderland’ but the team that started the campaign was virtually unrecognisable from that that won the Championship Play Off Final. Having barely spent a dime in that eight-year interim, Kyril Louis Dreyfus finally smashed open his piggy bank and splurged over £160m of his trust fund on a plethora of summer signings.
Through the revolving doors at the AoL came a mixture of very Speakman-esque youngsters who “aligned with the model” as well those with more experience, namely Granit Xhaka who inexplicably joined from Bayer Leverkusen. How would the new signings integrate? Would essentially signing a whole new first XI damage morale amongst the rest of the squad? No one knew… but it would be exciting to find out.
First up West Ham at home. A packed to the rafters SoL awaited the Hammers, generally expected to be mid-to-bottom of the table come the end of the season so a good, but potentially beatable, test. Most recent man through the door, Omar Alderete, was judged not fit enough to start so lining up next to Dan Ballard at the heart of the defence was Jensen Seelt, a man rarely used in the Championship let alone the Premier League… would he be up to the task?
Turns out, they all were and quite convincingly. A 3-0 win followed with goals from a trio of the old guard. Dan Ballard with a now-trademark monstrous header, Eliezer Mayenda with another but more missile-guided effort and Wilson Isidor took his Thierry Henry impression to even greater heights to cap off the most perfect of starts. For two and a half hours at least, we were top of the Premier League table. As Chandler Bing might’ve said, had he any knowledge of English soccer, “Could we BE anymore back?”
The following day we added yet another player to the ranks in the form of versatile defender Nordi Mukiele, basically a French Luke O’Nien minus the wrestling and kissing opponents and with added Champions League experience.
Things, however, came back down to earth with a bump bump bumpity bump at Turf Moor against Burnley. Ballard, so pivotal against West Ham, did his injury prone reputation no harm by getting injured meaning Seelt was back in the back four and Sunderland succumbed to the talents of familiar names like Josh Cullen and Jadon Anthony. It felt a bit like being back in the Championship again. In the second half the floodlights got stuck on party mode, which really should have seen the game abandoned, but eventually someone had the bright idea to simply turn them off. Sunderland had lost 2-0 and that was that. More to do, time to move on and other such cliches.
The third and final game of the month saw Brentford visit the Stadium of Light in front of another sell-out crowd. Fan favourite Enzo Le Fee was back in the side at the expense of newbie Simon Adingra and what followed was an ELF masterclass. Less Elf on a Shelf and more ELF absolutely everywhere as le petit magicien scored a penalty and was instrumental in a dramatic last minute winner from charisma personified Wilson Isidor. Whomever came up with the marketing slogan “Til the end” poured themselves a whisky and lit a cigar. The game finished 2-1 to Sunderland but ebbed and flowed throughout with The Bees having a goal disallowed thanks to a lovely VAR decision and new goalkeeper Robin Roefs, no doubt buoyed by a first Netherlands call up, saving a penalty.
Sunderland finished the month with two wins, six points and staggeringly sat in sixth place in the Premier League. Onto September, where the end of the transfer window and bigger challenges would await but it had been an incredible start to the ride.
