I know what you’re thinking and, yes, Swindon are indeed a “bunch of little slugs”. I mean, of course, they are. What kind of self-respecting football club would consider both ‘Oxford United’ and ‘Gillingham’ as actual footballing rivals. And, what self-respecting football club would hire Mussolini-loving, Wes Foderingham-destroying, and all-round ketchup-loathing Paolo Di Canio as manager?!
Correct, an absolute loser of a football club, that’s what!
For all of you Massive Lads Fans who like to shout at Jimmy Hill statues, you will have no doubt bored all of your adolescent family members about Swindon’s financial irregularities back in the Before Times. You’ll be rambling on about the Robins’ tax evasion, or something, which meant that we got promoted instead of Newcastle, despite actually losing a play-off final.
You’ll think you’re imparting such incredible knowledge upon the next generation, repeatedly saying “this’ll come up in a pub quiz, yer knaa”. Meanwhile, their eyes are glazing over and they return to their phones to be radicalised by communist TikTok videos.
How To Recreate The County Ground Experience?
We all have to take precautions in this never-ending Covid hellcycle, so how convenient that recreating a trip to the County Ground could be so pandemic-friendly.
Like our friends at Accrington Stanley, Swindon didn’t bother to finish their stadium by putting a roof on the away end.
Simply take your laptop outside, place it precariously on your garden wall and squint at the action in front of you. Remember to wear only a light jacket as you’ve misjudged the weather and spend the game hopefully looking towards the sky, praying the heavens don’t open.
Does This Place Have Any Good Brews?
Since you can’t go to the pub without someone grassing on you, why not treat yourself to some bona fide Swindon brews?
Place yourself an absolutely enormous order from Swindon’s premier craft beer Hop Kettle Brewing Company and try some of their delicious Old Town Pale Ale or some Joe Allen Pilsner. If you’re more of the traditional ale drinker then head over to Arkell’s Brewery and get tanked up on some Hoperation IPA or a lovely drop of Mustang Black.
You know you won’t regret it.
Did You Know?
Swindon’s famous ‘Magic Roundabout’ doesn’t actually exist. In 1976, after a troubled year for the town’s calendar sales, the local council proposed a controversial stunt that aimed to provide a much-needed boost to the economy. Radical council leader Alan Bumblebee suggested circling images around the globe of a roundabout with no less than five mini-roundabouts contained within it.
The plan worked spectacularly with the town’s main calendar factory – ‘Twelve Months Is Not Enough’ – producing over 300 million calendars distributed to over 80 countries. Bumblebee was heralded a hero while his critics described it as “licking the boot of Big Calendar” and questioned the outright fraud of conning people that there was anything in Swindon actually worth visiting.
