Cans & Megabus – Your essential guide to Burton Albion (A)

The next stop on our League One magical mystery tour is..... Burton!

On our previous visits to the Pirelli Stadium, there has always been one thing that has caught the eye of a young Cans & Megabus. It’s the name emblazoned above the home supporters – “DON AMOTT KING OF CARAVANS”.

Cans & Megabus has never been the king of anything – except the time when they won the bingo and Play Your Cards Right in quick succession in a Lancashire hostelry – so we’re always curious about Mr Amott and his bold claims. Not only does he love caravans and motorhomes but he has seemingly been crowned the leader of all of these mobile dwellings.

If King Amott is indeed who he says he is, then surely he would need a kingdom? Well, he’s already thought of that with a sprawling “leisure kingdom” covering 24 acres with people coming from as far as Leicester to gaze upon its majesty. We have a few questions about King Amott’s empire, however:

Who crowned him king?
What did he do to deserve the crown?
Did he have to vanquish a previous king to take the throne?
Why does his website consist solely of anthropomorphised salesmen with the heads of lions and cats?
Why did he choose the Pirelli Stadium as the place to lord it over his subjects?

It’s these things that keep Cans & Megabus up at night. Maybe it’s just our curious personality or maybe we have a deep-seeded desire to one rise up and take Don Amott’s crown and then we could be the King of Caravans in the Derbyshire area. It’s just a thought we’ve been having.

How Do I Get There?

For the sensible ones among you, merely take your car down the A1(M), M1 and A38 before hitting the A5121 following the signs for the Pirelli Stadium. There’s a lovely big car park outside the ground for £5 or there’s other parking available around that sexy industrial estate.

Any dickhead thinking of getting lost, just put DE13 0AR into your sat nav.

For the legends among you that have stuck in two slinky half days, hop on the train to Burton-upon-Trent. The station is about a 25-minute walk from the ground but don’t worry, there’s plenty of alehouses to keep you occupied along the way.

What’s the Ground Like?

Spend an evening gazing upon Don Amott’s delicious billboard hanging proudly above the home end as you wonder to yourself how a pretty tiny club managed to relegate Sunderland from the Championship. Actually, don’t dwell on that for too long, you’ll start feeling sad.

Anyway, Sunderland fans are housed on the East Terrace so you can have another good cry about how beautiful it is to be back at the football, or something. You lot really need to get over this.

Yer thirsty?

There are times when your old pal Cans & Megabus has to scrabble looking for at least a half decent pub to recommend to you lovable people. We can’t lie, hellholes like Coventry, Luton and Stoke-on-Trent have proved a tough test for this handsome and witty columnist but fear not young traveller, as Burton-upon-Trent is the beer Mecca you have been dreaming of.

The problem, if you can call it that, Burton has is that it has too many good pubs, so we’ll try and narrow it down. Let’s just say, if you like your ale, you won’t be disappointed anywhere in this wonderful place. The Roebuck Inn on Mosley Street, two minutes from the station, is a great place to start.

Then you can take your pick from the Devonshire Arms on Station Street, The Coopers Tavern on Cross Street or the Anchor Inn on New Street. However, the Cans & Megabus seal of approval goes to The Dog on Lichfield Street, which is the real pick of the bunch.

If it’s good enough for Don Amott, King of Caravans, then it’s good enough for you sorry lot.